I get the heebie jeebies every time someone asks me to describe myself in a few sentences. What information do they want, and wouldn’t it be better to just share a cup of coffee? I mean, come over and I’ll bake you banana bread and tell you what I’m reading and what I’m painting and how my sister is my best friend. But ask me to name five interesting facts and I freeze up—perhaps because the inquiry seems insincere.
For instance:
1. BBQ is my all-time favorite food
2. I write short stories while blasting rap music
3. Comedy clubs are my go-to spot on a Saturday night
4. I walk the lakes every.single.day at noon o’clock
5. My husband and my brother have the same sense of humor
Did you just learn anything honest or useful about me? You still don’t know what makes me giggle or why I blush or what makes me angry – and aren’t those the things that matter?
I always want to ask people what they wish for when they blow out the candles on a birthday cake. But would anyone give me an honest answer? Surely it’s more revealing to spend an hour or two in conversation, right?
I suppose the only thing worse than being asked to describe yourself is being told to ‘select the box’ you identify with – you know what I mean, right? Those pesky little boxes that characterize profiling sites like Match.com and Linkedin.
- Speak a foreign language
- Went to college
- In a relationship
- Owns a pet
- Is talkative
I guess my problem with these box surveys is twofold: 1) the answers are rarely all-encompassing (I kind of speak Spanish and I’m currently in college and I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend-or-not and my dog just ran away and I’m only talkative around friends), and 2 ) they try to easily define people, when, in fact, we’re filled with nuances and dualities and so many more important things than we could tell you with a checkmark inside a box.
apartmentwife 
It sure does seem like a lot of people and businesses want to make choosing friends and soul mates into a black and white science. You are either A or B, but not both somewhere along the continuity scale between A and B. It’s somewhat sad that the process of uncovering a friendship has been reduced to a business transaction. I hesitate to bring up the phrase ‘the way things used to be’, but it would be so much better, as you say, to share a cup of coffee and chat. To me, the process of discovering a friend through these times together is what makes the friendship truly special.
You always seem to understand my train of thought and continue with some bit of wisdom that is even better than my own argument. i was trying to think of solutions for making online meetings more authentic, but it’s a pretty tricky situation – maybe videos would be better? definitely more time consuming though…
Oops, sorry to take the discussion down an unintended avenue 😉 I remember a time about 3 years ago when my son was 7 and I was on a temporary 4 month assignment in Phoenix. Skype was our best friend. There is something more “real” about being able to talk and see the person you are communicating with. With that being said, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that beats spending one on one live time with a person whether it be a business meeting, a family affair, or a best friend outing. The feeling of seeing your son run down the jetway with reckless abandon and tackle hug you will never be topped 🙂
I LOVED this! I could not agree more here. You’re so witty too, especially: “the answers are rarely all-encompassing (I kind of speak Spanish and I’m currently in college and I don’t know if he’s my boyfriend-or-not and my dog just ran away and I’m only talkative around friends).” YESSS! I was just giggling the whole time 🙂
-Kaitlyn
i think every conversation i’ve had about internet dating websites was just running through my mind 🙂 my two bifs are on tinder and fish and match and it’s a never-ending game of sorting through the truth as defined by these tricky little boxes.
I agree with you about instead asking people over for baking and a cup of coffee. I have always preferred face to face contact but in this day and age, it seems a thing of the past.
I am in the same boat as you. I am being asked to hobble a few sentences together to create my author bio. What do they want to know? Oh you know, the usual. The usual? I am at a complete loss. Do they want to know that I have been writing and telling stories since I could talk? It’s vague.
I love the last graphic: “Be the type of person you want to meet”! It goes along with how I try to live my life aka the Golden Rule: Treat others how you would like to be treated. If only everyone lived by this sentiment, the world would be a happier and more peaceful place.
Have a great day! 🙂
now i’m curious to read what you put in the author bio 🙂
I promise to share with you my completed author bio. It’s part of the book query letter I am writing. 🙂 Curiosity is a wondrous thing! 😉
Since I’m online dating I especially dislike the boxes. I think the real conversation begins after the “mandatory questions” are out of the way. But I think the “mandatory questions” are important. Some people (myself) don’t always wear their hearts on their sleeves, I usually need time to loosen up and get to the truthful sharing point.
that’s definitely true — the boxes/questions can be a good measure of learning the basics about someone, but then it’s just important to learn how people truly behave/interact in person — their quirks and all that 🙂 also.. i’m still so giddy about meeting you in person – you come across sweet on your blog, of course, but you’re truly love in person too 🙂
It was so awesome to meet you! Next time I come down to the cities I will have to contact you so we can plan some face to face time!
First of all, those mugs are adorable.
Second, I’m with ya. It’s pretty difficult to “pin down” a person. Some people find their identity in their job or education or their relationship with someone else…but each of those elements is just a little piece of the individual as a whole. Maybe that’s what is exciting about meeting new people….putting together all of those little pieces and stepping back to appreciate what they create together. 🙂
Lovely little post!
I hear you- I freeze up too when someone asks me “5 interesting facts” or whatever the gig is.
I love the idea of getting together over coffee and just learning what makes a person tick. 🙂
-Ashley
http://lestylorouge.com
people are so much more complex than the neat little boxes those sites want to fit us into! and i will honestly tell you what i’ve been wishing for on my birthday candles every year – true, everlasting love! 🙂
My husband and my brother too have the same sense of humor. They are best friends 🙂
Maybe you could make one of those surveys with silly questions & then make an email chain that says if you don’t do it something bad will happen in 7 minutes, but if you do, your crush will smooch you. That should work… right? 🙂
Lovely post! It’s so true that no one is just one thing or another, people are nuanced and complex and flawed. I hate when people asking for 5 things too. It usually makes my mind go blank! I would also rather have an hour-long convo with someone over coffee!
~Sara
“Be the type of person you want to meet” has become my motto for this year! I identify so strongly with this post, and love it.
Also, honesty hour: every single birthday since I was 15, I’ve wished that the year to come will be even better than the year before. I hope it still comes true now that I’ve spilled that secret!
I think people aren;t supposed to tell you what they wish when blowing the candles, its bad luck! So what makes you blush? I’ll tell you something that excites me, when I get to start studying a new piece on the piano that I’ve been dying to try and my teacher finally says: you can do it now! (This just happened in the past week and I’m still excited about it). See, that is something about me 🙂