An extra-large pizza in the bed, Kinzie by our side, and Louis CK comedy on the TV. Our night fell together haphazardly, but it couldn’t have been more perfect. Jon came home exhausted from a week in Wisconsin, and so we ordered Galactic Pizza (they deliver the best pie in Minneapolis while dressed in superhero costumes), and scanned Amazon for something that would keep us laughing until bedtime. We talked about this and that, wished we could be as funny as Louis CK, and washed the pizza down with homemade lemonade. Bliss.
I recently read that it takes 10 happy memories to negate 1 negative experience. The good news, however, is that you can ‘save up’ good experiences to help make future conflict seem less severe. I’m probably not going to fault Jon much after a perfect date night, right?
Thinking about conflict made me wonder how else we can minimize bickering. I searched Google for “relationship conflict,” hit the “feeling lucky” button, and found Close Encounters: Communication in Relationships. Thank you, Google, that was exactly what I wanted.
I opened the link and learned, “most spouses have between one and three arguments per week, with at least one argument per month being particularly uncomfortable.” Oy vey, right? Better learn how to fight right. And, lucky for me, the author explained how: she suggested engaging in conflicting rather than avoiding it, and seeking compromise rather than being defensive.
The happiest couples subscribe to The Accommodation Principle, and seek to “accept and recognize faults rather than retort and defend behavior.” So, for instance, if Jon criticized me for being messy, I should say, “I can see how you would think that, and I suppose it’s true – what should we do about it?”
Wish I had read this book along with Biology 101 and History of America. A little more useful than knowing Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492 and SnO2 + H2 → Sn + 2 H2O. Gotta know how to keep the bedroom pizza parties coming.
On another note: what should I do with those strawberries?
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